Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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