before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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