You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
