the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I take back everything I said about communal showers
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
