I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
