I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Still dying that you shit outside
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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