I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Randomize
