I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Bring me that man meat
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
