so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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