I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
