As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Randomize
