This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
no you cant smoke seaweed
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
