You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
