What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
We smell like vodka and hangover
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