i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
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