I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
