I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
