She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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