Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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