Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
