If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
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