Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
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