But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
