You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Help. Why am I so naked?
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
