wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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