i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
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