Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
