Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Randomize
