Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
