I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
