i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
