she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
