I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
