Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
