I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Randomize
