Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
