The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
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