Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
