I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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