Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
