I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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