Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
