Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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