so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
