I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Nobody cheats on THIS.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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