im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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