I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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