You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
