who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
