I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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