I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
