I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
