btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
