Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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