just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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