So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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